Saturday, December 14, 2013

Red Doors, Black Friday and One Salty Lady

  These will be the most seemingly random things to connect, but I promise if you'll hang with me- we'll connect the dots. I hope............ If I start with where I got to, it wouldn't make sense...... So I have to tell you how I got there, even though how I got there is not near as important as where I got to.......... Boy, am I selling this or what?! Got it? Outstanding. Shall we pass through red doors?

  With every passing day, I am more aware of how precious time is. With every passing day, the kids are a little older (a day to be precise,) they are a little more observant, a little more verbal....... and I find myself having to rethink most of my parenting strategies to keep up. Things that they were oblivious to a year ago, they are not anymore. Things- images and words......... that I could take for granted, as they passed through their little filters and emerging perspectives, I can not anymore. I know this for certain, because Emerson knows how to use the term "commando" appropriately.........

  You know how your kids get to be a certain age and they repeat something from a commercial or a song, and it both occurs to you and horrifies you that you are now in "that phase." The phase, where you could have grown up conversations in front of them, has ended....... the phase where you could talk about Christmas without spelling every word, is O-V-E-R. And, it has been replaced with a terrifying phase of awareness, and not just awareness, but thinking it over, asking questions and applying it appropriately. Lord Help! I had been telling myself that I was safe because the kids only picked up on A: childlike things that were geared towards them, or B: things that I pointed out to them. I was so hoping they would stay in a cocoon of my own making and control, a place safe and secure, without worry, fear or corruption........ A place where nothing dark or painful dwells, a place where they see only the finest character and the choicest, abundant life. But, they don't live in a cocoon, nor do I........ and it would be weird if we did. This is the world we are born into, in this season and age, and though we don't belong here, we do abide here.

    It wasn't really my fault that I began realizing all of this.......... it was Bret Baier's and the All-Star Panel. You see, I love the news. I love politics and government...... like really, really love politics and government........... like live tweet elections, fast during November and have the web address to live stream the senate floor bookmarked on my computer........ and my phone......... that kind of love. Better said- I have a love hate relationship with these things. I find them both fascinating/inspiring and appalling/disgusting, of paramount importance and at the same time entirely ridiculous. And, when it's just me at home, I have on the news like background music. One afternoon, the kids were in the other room watching whatever benign kids show and I was in my room, doing laundry and of course..... watching the news (waiting for the Kraut). Emerson wandered in to ask for a snack and he sat down and waited while I finished folding. Normally, I don't have it on in front of them, but this day I left it on until I was done. Time passed, we made snacks and a couple hours later, Emerson comes back to me and asks about.............. drumroll, please!!!....... our health insurance?  On the one hand, I was proud of my budding citizen- it was a logical, thoughtful question. On the other hand, my heart just sank. It sank, because now I realized that just because he's playing with the Batcave, doesn't mean he's not hearing what's going on......... and upon hearing it, he's thinking about it and wondering how it relates to him......... and now it was there as a worry, in his heart and in his head. Dern!! I am so not ready for this, I was just getting used to the constant conversations about the origin of super heroes and talking about Barbies like they are real people! Let's stay there a little while longer!

  But, too late. The terrible truth everyone tells you and you never believe? They grow up so fast.  They grow up so, so fast.  I am now realizing that there is a whole great big world out there, that my kids are becoming more aware of and interested in, a world that is trying to sell, convince, entertain, entice and tempt them into it. A world that is actively vying for their attention,  their time (my money!) and at some point their worldview.  And, if I'm not careful "the world," even in kid-friendly subtleties,  will be what shapes their views about marriage, character, God, money, priorities..............What a frightening thought. But, I don't want to be fearful, I want to be wise.

  And, I certainly want to bring my A-game when it comes to this new and evolving territory.  How can I understand this better, use it to our advantage.......... make sure the right things are finding their way in? Enter The Bible series. I had been wanting to watch it and just never got around to it, but now I wanted to see if the kids- in this new more mature (lol) phase-  would be interested in it. It's not cartoonish, with goofy characters or tinkling music, not visually exciting like Veggie-tales or Superbook. Here, is what I wanted to observe: would they be actively interested on their own,   understand and recognize these familiar stories in a different format,  and if/how they would process and apply it.  This probably sounds a little unnecessary, but I think at the very root of it all, is the heart of a young(ish) mom and the curiosity, worry and fear of  realizing my kids are growing up.

  So, here we go! In the beginning........ I was immediately delighted. They were both enthralled in Noah, sympathetic to Ishmael and worried for Abraham and Isaac. Emerson especially, he wanted to watch it again the next day, wanted to know when we would get to see the next episode. I was so excited they were genuinely interested.  This isn't so bad, maybe it's a good thing, even a great thing, that they are taking in more, seeing the world around them differently. Maybe their sponginess is a good thing!

  The first thing the Lord brought to mind, was this: God's word is true and living, and regardless of age or format, it stirs something in our spirits. Whether it is milk or meat, for young or old, there is something supernatural and powerful about it that grips and captivates us. Oh my Word! Do you know what a comfort that is to me?? My greatest fear for my kids is that they will grow up "knowing"- hearing and remembering- the word, but not loving or living the word. Our whole life is church, we are intentional about talking about how central our relationship with Jesus is to everything we do. But, sometimes I feel like I'm getting the "Yeah mom, whatever......." look or response. I want it to be fascinating and real for them, the way it is for me.  I don't want all of this to be just their habit, I want it to be their very heart. What a sweet encouragement to be reminded that for all the things that I will have no control over in the future, my God is so faithful, and if I will be faithful to continue making a place for His Word in our home, He will take care of the rest.

  Also, we have any number of Bible based shows on all the time and the kids love it, but I do wonder how much, is them responding to the humor, color, sound or presentation of it, as opposed to them responding to the truth of it. Watching The Bible, I could tell they were reacting to the content of it. A great thing and a scary thing. They get and understand content, regardless of what the content is, whether it's truth-filled scripture, useless information or anecdotes and situations that reveal a world I'm not ready for them to know about.  They get it, they may not understand it entirely rightly or in the fullest context, but they get it. Good to know.

  But, here is the part I really want to share: I was previewing the next episode when I got to the story of Moses and Pharaoh. I know this story forwards and backwards, so I don't know why it struck me differently this time, it just did. I was watching the part about the plagues and finally passover. So many times, we think of this event as a smaller part of a larger whole, we think of it as the last plague......... the last link in a chain of events, one of several ways God demonstrated Himself to Pharaoh. Or, we think about it as one of several examples of sacrifice or "passover" that are leading us to THE Passover lamb, the Messiah. We think of this particular event as a sequential part of both God's judgement and mercy..... both sacrifice and deliverance. And, it is truly all of those things, but just for now..... let's isolate it and work our way from very personal to the much bigger picture.

 "Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the door-frames of the houses where they eat the lambs. That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast..............On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the Lord." Exodus 12:7-8. 12



  If I were tech savvy enough I would put that little clip here, but alas nay. I think the 1950's bible art pic demonstrates just how technically gifted I am........ I was able to center it though, so that's awesome. You will just have to picture it with me. Moses gives the Israelites instructions on preparing their house for passover........ the movie cut to the slaves killing the lambs and draining the blood to paint their doors. It made me cringe just a bit and I was glad the kids weren't there to see this. It showed parents- comforting their children, their firstborn sons, as they stood and watched their doors be smeared with blood. I don't know why, but it was the first time I ever thought about what that act of obedience must have been like for actual families, for children to witness and parents to fulfill. And, yes, it was an act of obedience, one that came with both choice and consequence for everyone......... Israelites perished that night too you know, there was weeping in the palace and weeping in the pit.

  I thought about those children............. What were those children thinking? What were those sons thinking as they hurried bowls of blood to their own homes and their neighbor's door? Do you suppose some of the older among them understood that their very life, their own salvation, was entirely dependent on their parents obedience? Do you think they understood that explicit directions had been given on the killing, preparing and eating of the sacrifices......... and that their entire community was busy trying to follow each one. They had to have been afraid, they had to have heard the whispers of what awesome and terrible judgement would come that night. The children, if they were even the age of mine, surely saw the earlier plagues- the content, if you will- and even if they didn't fully understand  what was happening or the context and value of it....... they saw the content. They saw rivers run red, they saw frogs and swarms of bugs, disease and darkness....... they saw enough, don't you think? Enough for it to have penetrated their mind and heart??  I think even those who didn't have full knowledge and adult understanding of what was happening, knew enough to be afraid.

  And, what about the parents of those children? Can you imagine the burden bore by a mother or father, who's obedience and responsive action held their child's life in the balance? I watched those few minutes of the movie, over and over again, and was really challenged to put myself in their place. Can you imagine, "Sara, here is My Word, My instructions........ Your child will live or die based on how you carry them out......  Your child will live or die based on your belief, that I AM........" Could there be greater motivation for absolute and accurate action to be taken?? Would you even know what to do?


  Simply, yes- you would.  God's Word may not always make sense to us in our natural mind, but it always adheres to order and always has meaning. Our God has every gifting, He is both creative and administrative-  and even though fear and chaos seemed to reign that night, He had given the clearest of directions.  Look at this text, Moses didn't come back with a general idea, he came back with a precise methodology for how this was to be carried out. This was not an opportunity for interpretation, it was an opportunity for obedience.  And, if God is going to require your obedience, He will make it possible for you to give it. He never hides his intentions or expectations, not then and not now.

“This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household. If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the members of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight." Exodus 12:2-6


  The Lord didn't just spring this on anyone, they had 10 days before they gathered their lamb and another 4 days of keeping the lamb, until it was to be killed.  I don't imagine that there were lots of opportunities for dinner parties for the captive Jews, and this was certainly not intended to be one, but relate it to your world........ 10 days of your menu being set, but you can't get the groceries yet, most important meal of your life....... has 1 item, you will prepare the food with your neighbors, but this is no neighborhood BBQ.  There is even a certain way to stand while you eat?!? Who knew?  Every mother and father had 10 days to talk about, think about and wonder about what might happen. As a mama, that's 10 days of wondering if you may really lose your child in just a few days, 10 days of reflecting on the calamity you've seen unfold in plagues, 10 days of weighing the stories you've heard in captivity- about your God- and deciding if they're true........... 10 days to decide if you'll be getting a lamb. That's 4 more days of keeping a lamb, 4 more days of preparing for the meal........ 4 more days of circling your sacrifice and making sure it is in fact, without blemish or defect. We've just had several snow days in a row....... if you think tensions ran high on day 4 of snow days....... imagine day 12 of waiting for passover.

    I thought about what it must have been like as a mom to wait at our little carved out home, hoping that there was enough blood for my door, what joy and relief I would have felt when it was brought to me. I thought about painting my door as my children stood by watching, uncertain and afraid. Would I have turned to them with confidence and reassured them, had I lived a life that was conspicuously faithful and trusting of the Lord......... would I be able to communicate those truths to calm their fears? Or, would my silence and sobriety make them worry more? What if I had no history of walking with the Lord to point them to? What if bondage had robbed me of faith or courage, and subsequently the ability to comfort? No stones of remembrance, for our family, that my children could recite in times of worry? What if we'd never had "those" conversations before....... about God or obedience, or sin and sacrifice? What if I had never talked to my children about judgement or mercy, until that very night?
   But, what if the opposite is true........ maybe there were mothers and fathers who had such unwavering and enduring faith, that they NEVER feared for their child? What if in that house, they ate their meal and then could hardly sleep, not because of dread or anguish, but because they were so brimming with excitement........ such unspeakable joy, because they KNEW their freedom was drawing near?? It just had to be, God had said it.

  Strangely, I thought about some of my attempts at craftiness........ I have two basic categories for Pinterest attempts: Pinterest Fails and Pinterest Fails That Maim or Injure. Every single time, without exception, that I have tried to paint, faux, modge or podge something, it has ended terribly wrong..... unworthy of sharing, repetition or having it's pic taken.  But, I do remember having paint or stain on
my hands and fingernails for days, either as proof of my effort or an embarrassing reminder. And, I wonder if parents sat there and waited out the darkest of nights, hoping their stained hands were enough...... wondering if those stained hands would hold lifeless children or peacefully sleeping children, when the sun came up.

  Don't you know you would use rags or dry brush to paint your door until they fell apart, until all you held was threads and dust....... and then, you would have scraped it out with your fingers and smeared it with your bare hands? I can imagine a mother frantically covering every crack, using her fingers to reach every corner until it was fully and thoroughly red.  I would have inspected it over and over, going in and coming out, watching as it dried......... eating a hurried and silent meal.......... and just as darkness falls, I would check the absolute redness of my door one more time........................
   
  And, this is the thought that consumed me, "What if the life and salvation of my children depended on my obedience........ my willingness to make our house markedly, discernibly different?" 

Then it occurred to me, what if that is indeed exactly how it is?

The life and salvation of my children and others.........
  Now, that's over-simplified of course. It is not us who saves, bad as we may want to.  It wasn't the parents or responsible guardians who did the sparing or taking, that dark night long ago, that choice was singularly the Lords. Let us not be confused at all who holds the absolute power of life and death.
   That is where both the beauty and danger of free will lies. In every life there is always a choice, always an effect. There are choices that garner discipline, choices that garner reward.......... choices that invite growth and choices that welcome death. In ministry, we have prayed with heartbroken parents- parents of children who were lost or wandering, children who had unexpectedly strayed........ We've prayed with parents who trained them up, parents who didn't have the training either....... They all wept the same.
  We've prayed with children, who grieved for hardened and unrepentant parents, parents who in their final moments rejected God.  If we could "obey" the way to heaven for another, surely we would..... but we can't.

 ...... Depended on my obedience......
   My obedience alone saves no one- NO NOT ONE- not even me, and there will be greater numbers than we'd like to know, of devout, orthodox and obedient people weeping at judgement. But, chew on this for a moment........ my obedience to Christ alone can "save" many.  That seems like the same thing but it's not.
  Anyone is capable of obedience- hate-filled, evil consumed murderers in prison spend a good portion of their day in obedience, but that doesn't make them righteous. There are religious zealots leading what they consider to be the sincerest, most obedient life....... who are still not saved. For the New Testament Christian especially, our life has to be more than just obedient, even more than moral. Our calling, our passions and pursuits should not be about demonstrating our obedience- or ability to follow directions, but it HAS to be about demonstrating our relationship........ and many times we do that, through obedience. My desire, not to save others- but to BRING salvation to others- falls woefully short, if the motivation behind it is being able to check it off a list of required activities, for righteousness. An obedient life is not about my love of rule following, and I do so love rule following, it is about my love of HIM, my HIM FOLLOWING.

  And, that's how it is, isn't it?  We bring others to Salvation........ or maybe you take Salvation to others. The Israelites that night, as they divided meat among neighbors and brought bowls of blood to each door........ it was not the person carrying the bowl who saved, but the person carrying the bowl brought salvation, brought mercy masked as blood. Friends, that's the opportunity we have even today.  I am capable of redeeming nothing, in fact in my flesh, I only soil and sully more.......... but, I know THE REDEEMER, I know He who does. And friend, I can bring it to you, to your very door.
BUT IT REQUIRES MY OBEDIENCE.

  If I am obedient to Christ and Christ alone, it is not just His law that is important, it is His love.  And, that changes everything.  If I am obedient to Christ alone, and my obedience is motivated by love......... it can change my heart, change my home and change the world. That kind of obedience is what drives missionaries to far off places,  what propels the Gospel from fearful mouths, what causes extravagant giving and self-less serving.

..... Am I willing to make my house markedly, discernibly different.......
  So now, this is a story of not just obedience, but relationship....... obedience and relationship- that positions us, humbly, before a holy God in a way that invites His protection and blessing. If that is true, and our hearts and actions can accomplish such a thing, than perhaps this is true as well........

  "What if my child's ability to grow in the admonition and favor of the Lord, their ability to truly KNOW God and embrace the reality of Him as Savior, was bound by a cord to me......... and my willingness to lead a life that was visibly obedient, my willingness to make not just our "house" but our home, our time, our habit and our treasures....... markedly, discernibly different- set apart from others, hidden behind and clinging to a crimson veil?"

  Yes, friend. I believe that's exactly how it is. I absolutely believe that though my child has a will and ultimately a choice, my responsibility as their parent is to lead a life that provides protection, wisdom and at every opportunity an example, that points them to Christ....... and though this life will not be perfect or pain free, I believe that the power of Christ in me, will help me to lead it in unflinching obedience. I believe that just as those frightened parents on that dark night of passover, painted their doors red, to invite God's mercy........... I have the choice to lead a life and to make decisions that invite God's mercy into our home.

  I am- friend, YOU ARE- the first representation of Christ that your child will know, and that should change us, THAT SHOULD CHANGE ME. That truth should change.......... no, in fact it IS changing me, changing my heart and my home, it is changing the content that my children see in me.  This whole little exercise is showing me this:  Yes, I need to continue to be vigilant about what I allow the world to communicate to my children, it does matter, it does influence........ but exponentially more influential, is what I communicate to my children. They are more aware, that's true, but more than any other person, or t.v. show.......... they are tuned in to me. I am broadcasting loud and clear, 24/7 from my living room and my kitchen, in the car and at dinner......... I am broadcasting what is important or should be, I am showing them what mercy looks like or doesn't look like........ I am showing faith and fear, humility and pride.......... Oh, I am showing it all on my channel. Yes, they may pick up a sassy word here or there from a show or a friend, from the world......... but they will pick up the world from me.
    And, my priorities, my words and deeds, habits and hobbies- all of it- is not just telling them who I am, but who Christ is, who I believe He is. What an overwhelming honor and burden to know that for now,  my kids are shaping their image of Christ based on me. Now, I will be disappointing of course, even in valiant effort, I will always fall short, and there will be a time in their lives when they realize that the love and nature of their Savior cannot be adequately displayed in any other. But, right this minute, in their mostly protected and mostly innocent view, they are trusting me to walk like..... talk like....... and love like our gracious Father. The part that keeps me awake........ is that until they know our Heavenly Father better, it's not that they assume I am like Him, it's that they assume HE IS LIKE ME.

   In this life, there will be a thousand opportunities for Andy and I to stand at our door with our children, with stained hands.  There will be nights of nervous waiting, dark, dark days that require our obedience in the face of fear.  There will be times of celebrating and grieving, times of bondage and deliverance.  We will stand at our door........... And they will be watching and waiting to see what we do.  Will we respond in obedience? Are we shaken and fearful or confident and faithful?  Will we bring mercy to our neighbor? Am I willing to make my home markedly, visibly different......... for their protection, for their wisdom, to invite mercy? Am I willing to edit and order my life in a way that positions me in the center of God's will and under His protection?

 GOD, LET ME LIVE A LIFE THAT PAINTS MY DOORS RED.




2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sara, you do indeed have a gift that glorifies our God and through His Spirit pierces the heart of the reader, especially a parent's heart. How wonderful it would be for you to write a book of Bible stories with your God-inspired application and perspective for parents. Your gift to drill down into the hearts of the characters and bring to life their fears, their challenges, and the implications of their obedience to God is amazing. Yes, those are more than simple stories recorded for our surface glance. They are revelations of our mighty God and The hearts and minds of His human children. Timeless in TRUTH. And every word of the Word written with intention and value for LIFE.

Anonymous said...

P.S. above note from Debbie Howle